Draw!!!!...We Think...
(A controversial ending doesn't save us from a hard to watch match)
Storytelling: 2/5 Stars
Match Quality: 2/5 Stars
Finish: 2/5 Stars
Winner(s): 3/5 Stars-4/5 for Bret Hart, 2/5 for Lex Luger
Extracurriculars: 1/5 stars, quite a boring affair mixed with the incomparable Vince announcing
TOTAL: 10/25 Stars
Great Moment You May Have Forgotten: I may not be a fan, but Diesel clearing house was a big deal at the time, it built his legacy up to what he would soon accomplish in the coming year.
Moment (s) You Wish You Were Never Reminded Of: I have two. 1. Bastion Booger getting "sick", and not appearing in the Rumble, what a terrible idea. 2. Kwang, besides existing, spitting green mist at Rick Steiner and not building anything up from that. Hell also, number 3- Vince: "Adam Bomb's gonna win the Rumble!!!"
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So now we come to the last of what I believe to be the truly awful Rumble matches, after this we are greeted with more bright spots. The reason this is ranked higher than the previous ones is one reason, which I will get to later. But let's start with the drudgery.
This was the beginning of a truly terrible time in WWE, as many top wrestlers were leaving to WCW and the struggle to stay relevant led to some terrible gimmicks and even worse talent. Like 1995, Vince maybe had about 10 qualified wrestlers who were mid card-main eventers, and maybe about 4 who could realistically win the Rumble. But how we got to weeding them out was painful.
The match started out pretty terrible, with Scott Steiner (when he actually looked like a wrestler and not something out of a futuristic freak show) and Samu doing nothing, but then brother Rick Steiner came, helping eliminate Samu. This had all the makings of a good bro connection or a heel turn, but followed up with Kwang (Savio Vega for those who thankfully didn't know) spitting green mist in Rick Steiner's eyes and just slowing the pace terribly. In comes Owen Hart (who should've had more time), and Bart Gunn, and a snooze fest continues.
But wait, we needed Diesel, the immobile object, to come in and soon clean house. From a non-bias perspective, it was a good move, to keep focus on one of their big names rather than showcase the other garbage. So here comes a bunch of stiffs (including Bob Backlund) to be fed to Diesel until the Macho King arrives. Then it fills up with more fluff (Doink, Crush, Sparky Plugg Bob Holly), until HBK comes in for the real entertainment. Together with greats such as Mo, Mabel (beginning his usually everyone throw out the fat guy role), Tatanka (I still can't believe that was a gimmick), and some Japanese dudes whose names aren't important, Diesel was eliminated somewhere but who really cares?
After a torrential downpour of competitors that bombed (or should I say, Adam Bomb'ed), eventually the two big guns Lex Luger and Bret Hart would return from gruesome attacks because everyone hates them. They fought their way through the "talent" and eventually after eliminating Fatu and HBK simultaneously, it was down to those two. You would think a big face v. face matchup would be wonderful and lead to a thrilling conclusion. But instead, they both fall out at the "exact" same time, resulting in controversy. There are many that claim that it was obvious from the fan angle that Luger had a clear victory, but instead we got 10 minutes of bantering and confusion.
But out comes Mr. Personality Jack Tunney to announce a tie. A tie! Rather than restarting the Rumble we have to just settle for that. A least when a bad Rumble winner wins we have a talking point, all we have here is a go-home confused show. However, Bret Hart was really the man who deserved this, and Lex Luger, as he soon would prove in his upcoming Wrestlemania match, was not in the same boat to get the push his giant muscles tried to carry. So Hitman is the reason I didn't add an S to describe this Rumble in general.
Hopefully, you can stomach this match more than Bastion Booger could. (Apparently these videos aren't working, so just watch on the network). Coming up tomorrow, a Rumble match that claimed to have 30 wrestlers, but I only counted 2. To be explained tomorrow.
