FanPost

Ranking Royal Rumbles: Number 24: 1989

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Buying Number 30 Gets You a Loss to a Midcard Giant

(Both Andre the Giant and Randy Savage were eliminated by snakes...).

Storytelling: 3/5 Stars

Match Quality: 2/5 Stars

Finish: 2/5 Stars

Winner: 1/5 Stars

Extracurricular: 2/5 Stars

TOTAL: 10/25 Stars

Great Moment You May Have Forgotten: Partners Ax and Smash lead off the Rumble, and wail on each other like government mules!!!

Moment You Wish You Weren't Reminded of (I'm pretty sure I change the name of this every time): Warlord sets the standard of being eliminated in two seconds until Santino broke it two decades later.

_______________________________________

After a poor field and poorer quality to watch in 1988, the Rumble finally brought in some necessary changes to make it a long standing tradition. Sure there are still the tough to watch participants (Red Rooster, Ronnie Garvin, Ron Bass, Bushwackers, Koko B Ware, seriously how are those last three in the Hall of Fame?). But check out the big names we got! Hogan, Savage, Andre, and Dibiase are all the top of the wrestling world. Mr Perfect, The Rockers, Rick Martel, hell even Big Boss man and Akeem are all worthy winners to push the notoriety. So what does the WWE do?

Have Big John Studd win it...

Now don't get me wrong, he is a mildly popular attraction, but he is like Andre-light. Big, but not eye-opening by comparison. He can move for his size and the time period, but not well enough to justify the beating he gave to Dibiase for some reason. We'll get to that in a bit but first the match.

It started off fun, with the Demoliton Derby on each other, to showcasing the talents of Mr Perfect and Shawn Michaels, to Andre being his normal decrepit but gargantuan self. But things really picked up after Jake Roberts was eliminated and being a sore loser, threw his snake in the ring, causing Andre to run out like a frightened panda bear. It seemed like the was moving towards a decent match.

And then he came...

Hogan and his tag team partner, the oft forgotten WWE CHAMPION RANDY SAVAGE!!!, start doing what they normally do, throwing out jobbers. Out goes Bushwackers, who honestly look like they were just wanking off the whole match. Out goes Tully Blanchard and Arn Anderson. Out goes Mr. Perfect. Out goes Warlord, in record setting time. Out goes Bad News Brown and Randy Sava...WAIT WHAT!?

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Friends to the end...unless Hogan doesn't win.

Yep, Hogan threw his buddy out, because having someone help you doesn't work in Hogan's world. Savage irately proceeds to run into the ring and plant the seeds of their ever cracking friendship, Miss Elizabeth included and all. But story wise it makes some sense, even if it's a little jaded. At least now we know it'll probably come down to Hogan and Dibiase later.

So after that shuffle, in comes the Goonies, masquerading as Big Boss Man (who is quite a different looking man than his late 90s phase) and Akeem (who is quite a different looking man from his runner up last year as One Man Gang). Wow there are a lot of unhealthy large people in this Rumble. Together they do the whole beat up schtick and eliminate Hog...WAIT WHAT!?

Yea they eliminate Hogan, fair and square actually by a two on one in ring assault. But Hogan, ever the sore loser defending the right of America, comes in and beats them up while there's still time left for Brutus Beefcake to join as well. Ventura said it best, "Hogan is a sore loser", and sorry Gorilla, he was right. His vicious attack led to Boss Man's elimination and really left us with that feeling of "who will stop Dibiase?"

So our final 8? Akeem, Beefcake, Red Rooster, Barbarian, Big John Studd, Hercules, Martel, and Dibiase. Who do you honestly take other than Dibiase at this point? Maybe Martel, but that's all.

Well when push came to more pushing, we were down to three, Akeem, Dibiase, and Studd. Ok, Studd's gonna put up a valiant effort and eliminate Akeem while Dibiase pulls a cheap shot and gets his much deserved win. Well, Studd eliminated Akeem, but then proceeded to just beat the crap out of Dibiase for 3 minutes.

Clothesline, slam, Pump handle suplex, Gutwrench throw. Who's playing the heel here? Then, just as Ventura proclaims "Don't count out Dibiase yet!", Dibiase is thrown out. Oh wait, after he's eliminated NOW Virgil decided to enter, instead of earlier in an attempt to save his boy. What a lousy, stinky ending and a wrong winner to pick on the rough road of the early Rumbles. There were about 10 others who make more sense to win, but for some reason Andre-light was chosen, and that is why this ranking is so low for the Rumble.

You can watch the slow crawl to the winner we all never wanted here. Tomorrow we take a look at one of the most controversial endings in Rumble history. Plus, one wrestlers constant struggle vs. the natural functions of the human body. Stay tuned.

Ranking Royal Rumbles: A Retrospective

Number 28: 1995

Number 27: 1988

Number 26: 1991

Number 25: 2015

The FanPosts are solely the subjective opinions of Cageside Seats readers and do not necessarily reflect the views of Cageside Seats editors or staff.

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